Voyeur Hour- My trip to LA.. A Promise to California…

On June 12th 2011 I had the amazing privilege of showing my videos at the Palm Springs Art Museum. I was hesitant to post any of the videos online until after showing them at the museum. I created these 5 videos over the course of 3 years for 4 different poets. During the process of making these videos, I dealt with a divorce, unemployment and homelessness. Throughout all of the trials and tribulations of those three years, I never lost my focus and my determination to make art and to continue to develop my practice as an artist. I read books religiously, drove the country from top to bottom, west to east, and north to south, slept in Wal-Mart parking lots, and still managed to make art.

I have a job now, and an apartment, I have to give most of the credit to me getting my life “together” (whatever that means) to the fact that I have amazing friends and family who were supportive of me. Those friends who saw me dive head first into the murky depths of the life of an artist, witnessed my depression and despair and being poorer then poor, and have seen me emerge on the other side, happy and content with my position in life now that I have made that full commitment to being an artist.

These videos are not just videos to me; they represent my blood, sweat and tears. Penance for of a life on the road, a wood shedding to test my will to truly be committed to creating. I am not saying the work is good or bad, but I am saying it is representative of a point in my life that at the time was dark, almost sinister. I still do not believe I have developed my practice fully, I see my artwork as always being in development, I seek out other artists constantly to learn from them, look for books about theory and history in an attempt to continually expand my mind and my horizons for creating. Where will my life take me? Where will my art work take me? I don’t know, but the process of working day by day moment by moment to hone my craft is its own reward. My work as an artist has taken me places that I had never imagined, shown me doorways to enter, challenged me to be fearless, and shown me humility, compassion and shown me how to develop my eye and my heart for the seeing exercises.

My trip to Los Angeles was by far one of the best trips I have ever embarked on in recent memory. LA with it’s gritty drugged streets, pristine tree lined homes, healthy athletic peoples mingling with junkies and prostitutes, lacking a democracy for the senses as it overwhelms one with a choice of smells, sights, sounds and dirty touch of the car polluted air. LA is a gorgeous apparition, a gateway to the surreal, a smack in the face of the all too real, a flowering tree, the sharp tailed sparrows waking sleepy heads in the morning, the bars and the night clubs begging for money from those fighting away boredom and loneliness. I wanted LA to be a big burrito, to eat the whole thing, and complain about my belly ache and ask for antacids on the plane as I flew far, far away from her. Instead, LA brought me a gift of some of the most beautiful humans I one can imagine, those types of people immersed in their passions, making no apologies from what some might see as inadequacies. Beautiful kind generous hearts, who opened their homes to me, fed me, talked with me for hours and hours about, love, politics, books, poetry, film, art, music and our failings and humans. What a wonderful thing it is to be alive.

A Promise To California

A PROMISE to California,
Also to the great Pastoral Plains, and for Oregon:
Sojourning east a while longer, soon I travel toward you, to remain,
to teach robust American love;
For I know very well that I and robust love belong among you, inland,
and along the Western Sea;
For These States tend inland, and toward the Western Sea–and I will
also.
Walt Whitman

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